Affirmations

From Power Thought Cards by Louise L. Hay

Affirmations are positive statements about what you desire for yourself and your life that are repeated to form new habits of belief. You can create affirmations about anything, from very minor to very important, and you can repeat these affirmations whenever you want, for however long you want. Affirmations have been shown to remap peoples’ minds and provide life-altering results. So how and why do they work?

Our experiences, whether they are physical, mental, or emotional, create connections in our minds. Repetition deepens and strengthens those connections. For a visual analogy, think of dirt road that has been cut into deep grooves by the passage of many cars. The grooves compel any new car to travel in these same grooves on the road. In our brains, the neurons that are used together form a connection. There is a saying saying that, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

However, if a connection is only used once, it is weak. Repetition strengthens the connection, making it more durable and stable. This is the basis of habit formation, and the reason for repetition of affirmations. Our habits and beliefs are grooves worn into our minds by our life experiences. When we were children, our brains’ physiological structure was formed through our experiences with our environment and the people around us. This is why many of our beliefs can be traced back to our childhood. The wonderful news is that through a little steady work and a short daily routine, we can change these beliefs and “reset” the grooves in our minds to be more positive.

How we interpret our experiences in life is determined by our unique individual beliefs. Constant repetition creates and then strengthens connections in our brains. For example, if as a child you heard it repeated many times that you were overweight, you would have physically created connections in your mind to reinforce the belief of being fat. You would have developed habits and beliefs around being fat, and thus would create a situation to support those deep-set beliefs. Luckily, we can rewire our brains. Introducing and then repeating new affirmations can change the actual physical connections between our neurons. These affirmations, when routinely repeated, can create new neural connections. In a very real physical sense, we can use our words and thoughts change our brains’ physiology and create new beliefs that positively affect our lives.

So how do you find affirmations to create a new routine? Think about what you desire for yourself, and then write it down! You can write your affirmations whenever and wherever you think of them. I have been known to write them on the backs of bill envelopes and receipts, although my favorite vehicle for my affirmations is the Post It note. And if you don’t feel up to writing your own affirmations to start with, there are numerous books on the creation and use of affirmations, as well as books that are simply filled with premade affirmations. These second type of books can be very handy – some people use them to give a “thought for the day” by randomly opening to any page. Others will go through and choose the ones that are most meaningful and mark them, then use them for reference each day. There are also card sets and calendars of affirmations, as well as websites and even software for the technophilic.

Whatever your chosen method of creating or finding affirmations, your set of affirmations are very personal to you, and it is unlikely that anyone else will have the same set of affirmations that you choose. If you are ready to start writing your own affirmations, there are a few guidelines to keep in mind. The first is to always develop your affirmations in the present tense. If the main idea behind affirmations is to train your mind in these new beliefs, then you want your mind to know that these things are true now, not sometime in the unknowable future. For example, if you tell yourself, “I will be in great shape,” then you are not teaching yourself to believe that this is already the case now. You are instead informing yourself that at some point you will be in great shape, but you aren’t now – which means you will never be in shape “now.” If you instead say, “I am in great shape,” then the more that you repeat this the more your subconscious will come to believe it, and the easier it will be for your body to change to suit what your already “know” to be true.

Another important guideline is to always keep your affirmations positive, never negative. Rather than focusing on something negative that you don’t want, instead focus on something positive that you do want. For example, “I find it easy to complete the exam” is a much stronger and more powerful affirmation than “the exam won’t be too hard for me” or “I won’t struggle to complete the exam.” On the surface, it may seem like these affirmations all say the same desired outcome. But the positively stated affirmation is much more clear about your true desire. You don’t want to just get by, you want it to be easy. As human beings, it is often less work for us to think of what we don’t want than what we do want. When you create an affirmation, try to always turn it into a positive statement that truly tells the universe what your desired outcome is. In this same vein, using positive words that seem over-exaggerated can help drive home the point. Although it may feel silly, try saying something like, “the exam is incredibly easy for me to complete.”

The next tip for creating affirmations may seem ridiculous, but you might be amazed how many people fail to do this: write them down! A lot of people, once they get into the groove of thinking up affirmations, will think up a really good one and then only use it once. Why? Because they forgot to write that totally awesome affirmation down, and now it is lost to them. So, no matter where you are, if a great affirmation comes to mind and you can lay your hands on a scrap of paper and a writing implement (or your Blackberry or iPhone), write it down! You can always recopy it later to somewhere more permanent. If you get into the habit of writing down your affirmations, you will begin to develop a wonderful collection of your most positive thoughts for yourself. This is good not only for your daily affirmation routine, but to serve as a reminder when you have a rough day of just how great you believe you can be.

Keep in mind that your affirmations, whatever they are about, should be both short and specific. They should be short for two reasons: it makes them easier to remember, and easier to repeat more frequently. They should be specific because the more specific you make them, the clearer your desires for yourself become.  If your desires are clear, then you will begin to see them manifest in very obvious ways. If you just say, “work is easy for me” and then a new and better coffee pot appears in the break room, you may not connect it with your affirmations at all. This is because when you said “work is easy for me,” what you meant was “my coworkers are kind” and “my boss listens to me” and “my deadlines are easy to meet” and “I find it easy to keep my work area clean.” It appears to you that your affirmations are not working, only because what you are looking for and what you stated were not matched up. If you instead make four or five specific affirmations that detail exactly what you desire for yourself, you will start to see them manifest for you.

The last guideline to consider when creating your affirmations is to personalize them as much as possible. Affirmations are all about you and your life. Use names when dealing with people or pets. Use your name when possible. You can use it to start each affirmation if you like, for example, “I, Sam Smith, get along great with my landlord. He is prompt with repairs and always returns my phone calls.” This allows you to feel as though you are more involved with the affirmations, and as though they are already truths about your life. This can be especially important if you are modifying affirmations that you found in a book or a website rather than created from scratch.

There are also some concepts to focus on when it comes to using your affirmations. First off: repetition, repetition, repetition. When it comes to memory and belief, the more often we hear or see something the more likely we are to remember and believe it. Just think about that office rumor that’s flying around – when you first heard it from someone in the copy room you thought, “Nah, that couldn’t possibly be true.” But then you heard it on break… and at lunch… and as you were passing your boss’ door… and suddenly it became believable because you had heard it so many times from so many to sources. To encourage our minds to accept and believe our affirmations, we must see and hear our affirmations frequently and from different sources.

This is easy to accomplish if you are willing to post your affirmations in several places. Try putting them on Post Its around the house, writing them with whiteboard markers on the bathroom mirror (they come off, I promise!), leaving yourself affirmation notes in your lunch, or sticking them to the edges of your computer monitor. If you have a “notes” or “stickies” program on your computer, put some affirmations there. You can even write up a list of your daily affirmations and print several copies, then post them in every room of the house and at work. I even keep a list in the car, because what better time to work on positive thoughts then when stuck in gridlock at rush hour? Wherever you post them and whatever method you use, it’s best to keep your affirmations readily accessible and visible. Then, whenever you have a spare moment, you can work on your affirmations.

Make time for your affirmations. I know that this seems contrary to the “whenever you have a spare moment” theory, but it is important, especially when you are first beginning to use affirmations. When I say make time, I don’t mean that you need to set aside a huge portion of your day. I recommend about ten minutes a day, broken into two five-minute segments. Many people choose to do these in the morning before getting out of bed and at night before falling asleep. However, you can choose to do your affirmations whenever they will be most helpful and effective for you. Some people prefer to do affirmations while in a meditative state, while others find it beneficial to do them while exercising, while cooking, or while walking the dog. It is your goal to find the right time for you to work on them – and then stick with it! The reason that having a set time is important is that it helps you to form a routine that is easy to maintain.

Last but not least, believe in your affirmations and believe in yourself. If you start to say your affirmations and all you can think about is “but this isn’t real, this isn’t true, this is stupid, why am I doing this” then you should set your affirmations aside and come back to them at a time when you can be more focused and positive.  Always work to believe that what you are saying is happening.  The more you believe, the stronger the affirmations become, and the greater your ability to create the life that you desire.

Instant Techniques: The 5-5-5

Facing the "End of the World"

The 5-5-5 technique is comprised of a series of questions that is very effective in allowing you to take a step back when facing a very difficult or upsetting situation. It can allow you to gain a perspective of “the bigger picture” when you are feeling like the walls are closing in or the world is ending.

We have all faced situations that felt like “the end of the world,” whether it was breaking up with our first boyfriend or girlfriend, or looking at our new car that was just totaled in an accident, or even finding out we didn’t get that promotion we had hoped and worked for for months. In these situations, the 5-5-5 technique can be implemented quickly and can help you calm down and face the situation in a reasonable manner, rather than with a breakdown. It can be essential when these situations arise at a time that you can’t afford to “lose it” and hide in your room crying – such as at the start of a workday, before an important meeting, or before a big exam.

First, Let Go of the Drama

Using the 5-5-5 technique is very simple, but it does require that you be willing to take a step back from yourself and your life.  Some people are in love with the drama of a dire situation to the point that they are unwilling to look at it as anything less than a disaster; unwilling to let go for some reason – the attention they garner from it, or the adrenaline they have pumping through their systems from the panic response, or some other reason unique to them. In this case, the 5-5-5 will not be effective until they can move beyond this point of “needing” the drama.

Five Minutes

If you are ready to use the 5-5-5 technique, you can begin by thinking about the situation that you find yourself in. Try to pinpoint exactly what is making you upset, or fearful, or angry. Then ask your self this question, “How much will this matter in five minutes?” Answer this question honestly. In most situations, the quick answer is “a lot.” However, in a few situations, you may be significantly calmer in 5 minutes, and may be ready to accept that what is done is done.

As an example, imagine that a toddler, be it your own, a friend’s, or even your cousin, has just broken or otherwise destroyed something precious to you. It could have been a book, or a picture, or a piece of pottery – whatever it was, it was irreplaceable. You are furious about the situation, and furious at the child for doing this to you and your belonging. However, as you ask yourself the 5-minutes question, you may realize that your anger is unnecessary. It is only causing you discomfort, and it isn’t going to repair the broken object. Nor is anger at the toddler reasonable or effective – it is extremely unlikely that their behavior was a vicious act. You should allow yourself to feel angry if you need to, but know that in five minutes, you will have begun to let that anger dissipate. In the end, our belongings are just objects – important, yes, but they are not worth being angry at the world.

Five Months

If your answer to the 5-minutes question was simply “a lot,” as in, nothing is going to be better about this in five minutes, then move on to the next question, “How much will this matter in five months?” For the majority of awful events, five months will allow for healing and renewal, and by the end of that period you may not even remember the current trauma. Anyone who has watched a young teen break up with their significant other is aware of this phenomenon – it is the end of the world right now, but in a week or a month they are dating the new love of their life, and all is well.

Taking this perspective may help you to recognize that this is not the end of the world, and that in time, you will heal from it. You can put yourself in the mindset of the “you” that will exist in five months, looking back on this event and knowing that in the long term, it didn’t really matter.  In five months, you may even look back on this event as being a good thing. Take the example of the promotion you just found out you didn’t get. Right now, all you can think about is how hard you’ve worked, how the guy in the next office keeps getting promoted while you get passed over, etc. But think of the possibilities of five months from now. Perhaps this lack of a promotion pushed you to look for other jobs, and you found a much better and more fulfilling one. Perhaps you got promoted the next week or the next month, and to an even better position. Perhaps your husband or wife was transferred a few months later, and now you live somewhere you love, and it was easy for you to give up your old job because you were so dissatisfied. Five months can bring so many wonderful things.

Five Years

Of course, we all have experienced or know someone who has experienced something truly devastating and life-altering. This could be the sudden loss of a spouse, parent, or child. It could be a house-fire. There are many truly traumatic things that we are sometimes forced to deal with. For these, we must ask ourselves the last question, “How much will this matter in five years?” Five years is a very long time in the human lifespan, especially as we look to the future. This time span holds the most possibility for healing, for renewal, and for hope. Literally anything could happen in the next five years. If you feel as though your heart is broken, or you are totally devastated, or your life will never again be filled with love or hope, try to take the biggest step back and think about the potential for yourself in five years.

It’s hard to even picture it, isn’t it? Five years can feel like an eternity when we stop to think about everything that will or can pass between now and then.  Take a few examples of the changes that happen in five years; a baby born today will be starting kindergarten in five years. A high school senior who graduated this year will have graduated with a bachelors’ degree in five years. Whole landscapes will have changed. New homes will have been built, and new families will have been created. A couple on their first date tonight could be married and have children in five years. And yes; your heart, or your finances, or your family, can be healed in five years.

Step Back and Look at the Big Picture

So when you are feeling that you are at the ultimate stress point, that the world is ending, the walls are caving in, and the house of cards is tumbling down, take a few minutes and step back. Try to see the possibilities inherent in the bigger picture. How far you need to step back depends on both you and the situation. Ask yourself, “How much will this matter in five minutes, five months, or five years?” You may even find yourself laughing at the absurdity of how upset you were. At the least, you will hopefully feel some relief.