Instant Techniques: The 5-5-5

Facing the "End of the World"

The 5-5-5 technique is comprised of a series of questions that is very effective in allowing you to take a step back when facing a very difficult or upsetting situation. It can allow you to gain a perspective of “the bigger picture” when you are feeling like the walls are closing in or the world is ending.

We have all faced situations that felt like “the end of the world,” whether it was breaking up with our first boyfriend or girlfriend, or looking at our new car that was just totaled in an accident, or even finding out we didn’t get that promotion we had hoped and worked for for months. In these situations, the 5-5-5 technique can be implemented quickly and can help you calm down and face the situation in a reasonable manner, rather than with a breakdown. It can be essential when these situations arise at a time that you can’t afford to “lose it” and hide in your room crying – such as at the start of a workday, before an important meeting, or before a big exam.

First, Let Go of the Drama

Using the 5-5-5 technique is very simple, but it does require that you be willing to take a step back from yourself and your life.  Some people are in love with the drama of a dire situation to the point that they are unwilling to look at it as anything less than a disaster; unwilling to let go for some reason – the attention they garner from it, or the adrenaline they have pumping through their systems from the panic response, or some other reason unique to them. In this case, the 5-5-5 will not be effective until they can move beyond this point of “needing” the drama.

Five Minutes

If you are ready to use the 5-5-5 technique, you can begin by thinking about the situation that you find yourself in. Try to pinpoint exactly what is making you upset, or fearful, or angry. Then ask your self this question, “How much will this matter in five minutes?” Answer this question honestly. In most situations, the quick answer is “a lot.” However, in a few situations, you may be significantly calmer in 5 minutes, and may be ready to accept that what is done is done.

As an example, imagine that a toddler, be it your own, a friend’s, or even your cousin, has just broken or otherwise destroyed something precious to you. It could have been a book, or a picture, or a piece of pottery – whatever it was, it was irreplaceable. You are furious about the situation, and furious at the child for doing this to you and your belonging. However, as you ask yourself the 5-minutes question, you may realize that your anger is unnecessary. It is only causing you discomfort, and it isn’t going to repair the broken object. Nor is anger at the toddler reasonable or effective – it is extremely unlikely that their behavior was a vicious act. You should allow yourself to feel angry if you need to, but know that in five minutes, you will have begun to let that anger dissipate. In the end, our belongings are just objects – important, yes, but they are not worth being angry at the world.

Five Months

If your answer to the 5-minutes question was simply “a lot,” as in, nothing is going to be better about this in five minutes, then move on to the next question, “How much will this matter in five months?” For the majority of awful events, five months will allow for healing and renewal, and by the end of that period you may not even remember the current trauma. Anyone who has watched a young teen break up with their significant other is aware of this phenomenon – it is the end of the world right now, but in a week or a month they are dating the new love of their life, and all is well.

Taking this perspective may help you to recognize that this is not the end of the world, and that in time, you will heal from it. You can put yourself in the mindset of the “you” that will exist in five months, looking back on this event and knowing that in the long term, it didn’t really matter.  In five months, you may even look back on this event as being a good thing. Take the example of the promotion you just found out you didn’t get. Right now, all you can think about is how hard you’ve worked, how the guy in the next office keeps getting promoted while you get passed over, etc. But think of the possibilities of five months from now. Perhaps this lack of a promotion pushed you to look for other jobs, and you found a much better and more fulfilling one. Perhaps you got promoted the next week or the next month, and to an even better position. Perhaps your husband or wife was transferred a few months later, and now you live somewhere you love, and it was easy for you to give up your old job because you were so dissatisfied. Five months can bring so many wonderful things.

Five Years

Of course, we all have experienced or know someone who has experienced something truly devastating and life-altering. This could be the sudden loss of a spouse, parent, or child. It could be a house-fire. There are many truly traumatic things that we are sometimes forced to deal with. For these, we must ask ourselves the last question, “How much will this matter in five years?” Five years is a very long time in the human lifespan, especially as we look to the future. This time span holds the most possibility for healing, for renewal, and for hope. Literally anything could happen in the next five years. If you feel as though your heart is broken, or you are totally devastated, or your life will never again be filled with love or hope, try to take the biggest step back and think about the potential for yourself in five years.

It’s hard to even picture it, isn’t it? Five years can feel like an eternity when we stop to think about everything that will or can pass between now and then.  Take a few examples of the changes that happen in five years; a baby born today will be starting kindergarten in five years. A high school senior who graduated this year will have graduated with a bachelors’ degree in five years. Whole landscapes will have changed. New homes will have been built, and new families will have been created. A couple on their first date tonight could be married and have children in five years. And yes; your heart, or your finances, or your family, can be healed in five years.

Step Back and Look at the Big Picture

So when you are feeling that you are at the ultimate stress point, that the world is ending, the walls are caving in, and the house of cards is tumbling down, take a few minutes and step back. Try to see the possibilities inherent in the bigger picture. How far you need to step back depends on both you and the situation. Ask yourself, “How much will this matter in five minutes, five months, or five years?” You may even find yourself laughing at the absurdity of how upset you were. At the least, you will hopefully feel some relief.